Sunday, November 14, 2004

Back Issue 1 (7.6.2004)

Independence Day is over. What a relief! It’s so overrated, with all its food, alcohol, fireworks, scantily clad gorgeous people, and enormous free concerts in Niagara Square. As IF anyone would be interested in that sort of stuff.

Not to worry. We have taken the liberty to create several new summer holidays, including the following:

Sloth Day: lay motionless on your back for a complete day, moving only to reach in vain for the bag of stale pretzels that are 1.5 feet away. Says Pete, who has been celebrating this holiday every day since graduation, “If only I could reach the pretzels.”

Beer Day: similar to Sloth Day, except add beer to the pretzels and make it closer. Pete says (after an exhausted reaching effort), “Thank God that I can reach the beer!”

Consider Changing the Blinking 12:00 on the DVD Player to the Actual Time, But Don’t Day: kind of self-explanatory. Pete: “It just seems so hard.”

Enjoy these exciting holidays.

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